Being strong doesn’t mean you don’t feel pain, it means not giving into the pain.
The Urologist I was referred was very young, yet wise beyond his years. I went to this appointment by myself. He stated that the scans showed no cancer…yep already got that great news….but then he says, it does not mean it couldn’t turn into cancer….ummmm what? I asked him, can these cysts just go away on their own? He responded with this: These cysts are going to do three things…either burst, just sit there or turn into cancer. My mind instantly went to…why does this feel like Let’s Make a Deal gameshow and I need to select the deal of the day door? I choose the nothing door please!
My body went numb. My sister was diagnosed with breast cancer at this time, so the C word was not something I wanted to hear again. Then of course more negative thoughts crept in. My grandpa died of bone cancer. My aunt had breast cancer (over 20 years cancer free). And then my thoughts raced to my kids. How would they survive without me? I had my first son at age 20 so being a mom and putting them first always, was all I knew. Even working a full-time job and running a business, I always found energy to make sure every need the kids had was met. It was exhausting, but I always told myself it would be worth it in the end. Boy wrong again. This lesson will be in a future blog.
The Urologist also said he looked at my MRIs and said eventually I will need neck surgery. Okay I thought, didn’t know an Urologist cared about necks but thanks for the heads up! The doctor wanted to see me again in six months to recheck the cysts. I asked him, if they burst, how will I know? He got up to walk out and said oh you will know. Alrighty then. I still haven’t gotten that recheck and it has been a year. More on that later as well.
My primary doctor visit I got to get rid of heart monitor. The scans showed no concerns. Whew! Another positive in the sea of negativity. Primary doctor asked me how my meds were doing and I said after the Urologist, I might need a boost so he upped my Prozac to three a day versus two. The Gabapentin was helping with pain, but I was still leary of taking it. First of all, I was gaining weight. Not good for depression, anxiety, and stress. I never allow a doctor to prescribe me Vicodin because I do not like feeling I don’t have control. Gabapentin made me feel borderline. I’m going to write a whole post on Gabapentin because I wish I would have known more before starting it.
B6 Vitamin still very high. The 50,000 mg of Vitamin D got me back up so I got to get off that pill. Then primary doctor wanted me to take over-the-counter Vitamin D so I got the gummies.
I explained to my primary doctor the frustrations of my neurologist. I was not happy she couldn’t figure out what was going on, yet wanted to prescribe even more pain pills. He had me make an appointment with another neurologist, unfortunately it was not the one he initially referred me to, but thought this one could help figure out what was going on. I scheduled appointment for new neurologist. What a wasted day that was.
I should also mention, all these doctors appointments, MRIs (I had 7 total), Urologist, etc. we’re all happening while I was trying to help my youngest son who has special needs. He has suffered the last 5 years with encopresis (severe constipation) due to child abuse (physical, emotional, mental) he endured from his dad. The physical abuse started at age three. He had three doctors: Therapist, Behavioral Management Physician, and Gastrointestinal doctor that I had to make sure he was going to these appointments. Also, for two years, he had supervised visits twice per week I had to get him to and wait around for two hours because they were in a different city. Along with all that, I was working part-time at my job that was very physical. Only the grace of God kept me moving. Without it still, I wouldn’t be here.
TIPS: Do as much research on any medication a doctor wants to prescribe you. It’s your body!
TIP: Get into therapy or any type of support group. You do not have to endure anything alone. You will especially need it if you have no support from your family.
Next post- Second Neurologist Appointment and an ER visit
Disclaimer: Any information, statements, accusations about family court are all in our case records which are open to the public. If you would like the case number, please DM.
Fibromyalgia Warrior Woman 